A Time to be Thankful

The past couple of days have been a roller coaster for my family. However, through it all, God was ever present, and I learned so much more about myself as I learned so much more about God. I wanted to get it down somewhere before it left my mind- and also so that I could revisit it all one day and be reminded of what He was saying.

Things I learned about myself:

1. When I need to be strong, there is an endless supply of strength in the Lord.
2. I know now the peace that surpasses all understanding. So many people on the phone commented about how calm I sounded- some even thought I was in shock. But all I knew was that I had a peace that I couldn't explain. I knew how bad things looked and sounded even as I explained them. But God gave me His peace, and I was really never able to accept things the way they had been presented. All I could see and know was His outlook on things... and His outlook was far better than ours.
3. No matter how often or little I talk to my brother, we have a bond that cannot be broken. And I love that- and I love him.
4. I can pretty much take any situation and find something humorous to lighten the mood. However, I wouldn't recommend causing a patient who just had brain surgery to laugh. I got in trouble more than once. But Hurt Head Ted is now taking over for me.
5. I like Facebook and texting, and it truly is the easiest way to keep people informed, but there's nothing like a good old fashioned phone call.
6. I can survive solely on Starbucks and Diet Coke.
7. I am back in the business of reading my brother's mind. And it only took a 7 hour surgery to get that back up and running.

Things I learned (or was reminded) about God:

1. He is Good.
2. He only calls us to have faith the size of a mustard seed in order to move mountains.
3. He doesn't do things the same way I do (and thank goodness for that).
4. He hears our prayers, and works on our behalf long before we realize it.
5. He has an appointed time for all of us to leave this earth. We won't leave a minute before or after our appointed time.
6. Life's too short to waste it on things that keep us from carrying out His will, and He used a short five days to show me some things that I've been praying about for years. It was there all along, but sometimes you have to step back to see it clearly.
7. He secured even deeper in me that I am not afraid of death. In fact, I rejoice in it- because death has no hold over us. Life doesn't end with death. It begins. And that's not just the natural version of death- that's the death of things in our lives that we've been holding onto, but we need to let go of.
7. Lastly, we're not here for ourselves, or our selfish desires, or even to make a name for ourselves. We're here to point back to Him, to show others the Way, to bring Life into dark places. And it can be as small and as simple as one conversation. But people need to know that we care- so if we ask Him for His heart in all situations and for all people, we can't really go wrong.

There's still a road of recovery ahead, but I feel a new clarity that I didn't have before. I pray that we all move forward changed, and that we were able to bless others through it.

A Time for Easter Pictures

It has been quite a while since I last posted over here (and I said I wasn't going to do that). But, work has been insanely busy... to the point where I've been struggling alot just to get dinner on the table at night without having a meltdown. I've also been traveling quite a bit since this year began, and I have to go back to Dallas this week. Since I won't be back until Saturday (riiiiiiiiiiiight before Easter), I thought I'd go ahead and take some Easter pictures of JM today.

I kept trying to get all creative about where I was going to take his pictures, but then basically came to a "do or die" moment and just loaded him up in the car to go exploring. I spotted a little woodsy area at the front of a nearby neighborhood, and decided I'd go for the whimsical look today. Sometimes keeping it simple is the best way to go! So, JM and bunny went exploring, and I documented it.

We headed back home, and I spotted another field, so I asked John Michael if he'd be willing to do just one more...

He tried to warn me. He cried the entire time.

And what's a photoshoot without one of these (hehe)...

What a sweet angel. I love this little guy to pieces! I hope you all have an amazing week, and enjoy Easter with the ones you love. May we all be reminded of what He spoke so clearly to me about today... and that is HE IS GOOD! There is nothing that you are going through that He isn't working out for some purpose... and you don't have to worry about what that purpose is, because you can rest in the fact that HE IS GOOD. Love you guys!

Lazy Sunday AKA Get up and do something!

I fly out of Birmingham in T minus 9 hours and 30 minutes. What do I need to do before then?
- wash clothes
- pack those freshly washed clothes
- pack everything else
- finish up taxes so I can send them off
- finish up two work items
- cook some things for my family to eat while I'm away
- buy some diapers so my child can live a sanitary life
- buy some food for my child so he can eat while I'm gone
- clean my house so that I can come home to it being messy again
- get to the airport an hour before my flight leaves

And what am I doing? Everything except what's on this list! And that includes watching JM be incredibly cute while he eats a waffle.

But he's checking my flight status and printing out my boarding pass for me, so I didn't add those to the list.

I need to get my buns in gear! Hope everyone has a great week! I'll be "nerding it up" at a database conference! (pushes glasses up nose)

It's time for the Academy Awards!!!

I love all of the Oscar buzz... I can't help it. I guess I'm a sucker for an event where everyone dresses up and people go home with awards. And I LOVE the speeches that some people give at the Academy Awards. Let's face it, there are just some people in this world who are cocky and you can see right through them- especially in their acceptance speeches. I of course love the ones with humor, but I also love the sincere "I really didn't think I would win" speeches. And you can tell the difference between someone who didn't think they would win, so they're fumbling through their words versus the ones who "didn't think they would win" and then pull out a typed speech from their bra.

In honor of the Academy Awards on Sunday, I wanted to link you guys to a couple of ideas for throwing an Oscar party. I'm not throwing one, but Michael and I do like to fill out the ballots and try to guess who we think we'll win. I especially love the foreign film sections, where we just have to completely guess!

The first set of ideas comes from a blog I follow and absolutely ADORE! It's called "Skip to my Lou" and Cindy always has the best ideas. Plus, you crafty ladies should check out her "made by you Monday" posts, and link up to her blog on Mondays if you've made something fun. I love seeing what she picks each week. But her latest post on Oscar party treats and printables was too fun not to share!

I am also slightly obsessed with Bakerella... mainly because of an obsession with cake pops. But, y'all, look at these cookies!!!

There's a whole blog post dedicated to making these puppies. I mean, if I didn't have a toddler, and did have all the time in the world, I'd be making these for sure!

Last, but certainly not least, is the coveted Oscar statue. You wanted to make your own, you said? Well, ladies and gentlemen, this one still has me chuckling. I actually think it's a great idea, but for some reason I can't stop laughing about it. Probably because I act like a 12 year old. But at any rate, you could spray paint your Ken doll for decoration!

Is anyone hosting an Oscar party this year? We'll probably be lucky to even get to watch at all, but I think Oscar parties sound like so much fun!

Mommy Meltdowns

I learned today that I don't know anything. And just when I think I might be on to something and start getting all cocky, I'm right back where I started... Knowing nothing.
It's not a bad place. It's quite humbling here, actually. And humble is always good.
After three Mommy Meltdowns occurred before 8:30 this morning, I realized that I do not have it all together. It wasn't a particularly fun place to be, but I think it was exactly where I needed to be.
I am thankful.

Submit to whaaaaa?

If you follow my blog, and you're a coworker of mine, sorry- you're getting a double dose of this message. Let me explain to the rest of you though.

I had to catch up on some sermons from my church, because we had to take JM into the doctor yesterday morning, and we were out of town two Sundays ago. So, I decided I would watch them today to catch up on what I'd missed. Wow. We've started a new series called "Running with the Giants," and God is speaking some necessary truths through this series! But for today's blog post, I will only focus on yesterday's sermon... it was focused on David, but the jist of the message is submitting to authority. Allow me to dig deeper though.

This isn't my first rodeo on the subject of authority. God has been speaking to me about this for a LONNNNNNNNG time. So, am I just hard-headed and not listening? Not really. I learn a new truth about submission each time. But let's be honest, my flesh is pretty powerful at times and likes to rear its ugly head trying to make me forget the truths that I have learned. I don't pretend to be perfect, nor do I pretend to know everything there is to know about submission. I'm just walking it out- crying, fist pumping, and stomping my feet along the way- but I'm walking it out.

Starting out, I thought that submitting to authority was what we were supposed to do, no matter what the circumstances. But I'm slowly learning that there is more to it: the four tests of submission is what I believe it was called in yesterday's sermon. After watching it this morning (you can watch it here), I started thinking about how it relates to my life. And the Lord opened the floodgates. I was getting revelation about authority, but also some MAJOR revelations about other things I'm dealing with. I laugh when I think about how the Lord must be saying, "Well, Kay, when you finally do sit down to talk to me about these things, I need to cover alot of ground, because I never know when we'll get the opportunity again." I realize that's sad, but I've come a long way, and I also realize that He gets so excited when I even glance in His direction too. I just love the talks that we've been having lately, and it has been such a sweet time- I wonder why I don't make time for it everyday. But, I'm working on it. Again, not perfect, just walking it out.

So, here's what I know. Submitting to authority is a necessity if I want to walk closely with Him. After all, the authority He has placed me under on earth was appointed by God anyway. And if I am supposed to work in everything as if I am working for the Lord and not man, then by not submitting to my earthly authority means that I am not submitting to Him either. And I don't want to be rebellious, because rebellion was instituted by the enemy. So, everyday, I am given a choice: A. I will listen to the Lord's voice, and submit even when it's uncomfortable (note: I didn't say that I would submit to all out abuse, and there's a difference- watch the sermon). B. I will listen to the enemy's voice, and rebel against authority, because of course I know better, and of course I'm right, and of course I'm more experienced in these matters than they are.

I learned today that the reason I may be more experienced in something than my authority is because the Lord wants me to use it to SERVE my authority. Kay's motto, enter stage left: I am only here to serve. I'm not here to make a name for myself, or to advance some invisible ladder. I am only here to serve.

I went through a situation one time that I thought was just going to be the death of me. I remember thinking, "If ______ happens, I'm done. I can't do it anymore, Lord." And then it happened. I felt defeated, small, unworthy of the Lord's favor, and second rate. But somehow in the middle of it, I saw this little bitty glimmer of light. And out of nowhere I told the Lord, "Okay, let's do this. Let's get through this. I don't want to keep learning this lesson over and over again. If I get out of this situation, I'll most likely run into it again in a different form, so Lord, do the work in me that you have to do for me to get through this and come out on the other side victoriously." And guess what... He did. I can't explain it other than the fact that sometimes the Lord does a work in us that is supernatural- and things that bothered us about a person, or things that were unforgiveable, or situations that made us come unglued- no longer have any power over us anymore. The only thing I can tell you is that when I started repeating my little motto of servanthood to myself, something within me started believing it. It wasn't that my life no longer had purpose- it was that my life had the biggest purpose of all. I am not in this life to make a name for myself, or to be better than anyone, or to be the best _____ of all time, or to be anything other than a servant. Jesus said that we must first become servants. The first shall be last, and the last shall be first. So, it's okay if I never get recognition for something great; it's okay if people think I'm stupid, or not good enough to be this or that; it's okay if nobody EVER knows my name.

I am only great because of the One who made me. Not because of what I've done, but because of what He did for me. I am a servant to that fact. I will walk it out in whatever ways He wants me to. I joke at work and tell people that my job title is janitor. It used to be that I resented having to clean up messes, or fix things that were broken, or take a project that nobody else wanted. But I realize today that the title of janitor is an honor. It's the ultimate position of servanthood, and I will bear it proudly. I might get promoted, or have some sort of "Manager" title after my name, but I will remind myself every morning that I am a servant. I am not here to make a name for myself, or to advance the invisible ladder. I am a servant.

Do yourself a favor... watch the sermon.

A Picture of Trust

Today was one of those days where I felt like I was drowning. Michael currently has walking pneumonia, John Michael is teething (and hopefully not catching walking pneumonia) which makes him wake up at all hours of the night crying inconsolably. Work is EXTREMELY busy, and when I say that it's EXTREMELY busy, that's an understatement. I'm drowning under an insane amount of work to the point that sometimes I feel like just completely throwing my hands in the air and giving up. I got an email from our initial mortgage company today saying that I'm a possible target of identity theft due to a security breach in their system. Just typing all of this is making my chest tighten.

But there was one sliver of light from the Lord today: my dear sweet friend, Cindy Hopkins. Cindy is a coworker of mine, who works in our Northern Virginia office. She is a gem. After talking about some confusing database issues today, I just started stuttering to her something along the lines of, "I just don't know- I just- I- I have no idea- I just don't know." Cindy, taking the hint that I was suffering from a mind meltdown, shared with me something that the Lord showed her this week.

He showed her a picture of trust- someone who is skydiving with the trained skydiver attached to their back. One of Cindy's friends recently went skydiving, and as Cindy watched the video with her, she noticed how nervous her friend was before the jump- but after jumping, she was smiling and free the whole way down. Cindy reminded me that God is an experienced jumper, and He will open the parachute. All we have to do is enjoy the ride, and smile. This simple word hit me like a ton of bricks. My circumstances look a little gloomy, but I trust Him to open the chute for me. I trust Him to be the experienced jumper, so I'm just going to enjoy the ride.

Enjoy the ride today my friends. Life is seriously too short.